As of today, I have had 13 radiation treatments and they seem to be going well. I thought my total count was 30 since I thought I remember them telling me 6 weeks of radiation. But I discovered today that my final number of treatments hasn't been confirmed yet. I will have 28 treatments like what I am currently doing which is 5 different angles. (which the appointments only last 10-15 minutes - which is nice compared to the 4-4 1/2 hrs for a chemo treatment) Then they will do 6-8 treatments specifically targeted on my surgery site. I will confirm with my doctor on Wednesday so that I can get a final date set so I can start my "correct" countdown and look for the light at the end of the tunnel! It was nice to talk with a survivor yesterday, she said that there will come a day that my daily thoughts will NOT include cancer. I am looking forward to that!
I'm excited that my hair starting to grow back and so far it's coming in very dark with some light patches - that are either blond or grey. Now I am getting anxious to see what my hair will be like even though I have enjoyed not having to worry about hair for over 3 months now :).
One of my recent devotions in the Jesus Calling devotional said, "Don't let your well-being depend on your circumstances." Then it went on to say it is possible to be content in any and every situation and to put more energy into trusting Jesus and enjoying His Presence. Wow, that was something that spoke very loudly to me. Lately, I have been letting my circumstances and my completely out of control to-do lists (work and home) get the best of me. This really helped remind me that if I trust Him - I can do all things through Him because he will give me the strength. So today, I picked out the big rocks on my lists. (thank you special events team - I really miss you girls!) I was able to cross most of those items off my list today and it was a huge relief.... even though my lists are still long... I accomplished some things. AND discovered the "sticky note" feature in Windows 7 today!
The grief for mom has been so crazy - one minute I am fine and then it just hits me like a brick wall. I have this huge knot in my stomach that just aches and my thoughts start to spin out of control. Chris has been so good when this happens, he talks me through things and reminds me that we did everything we could do. But my mind sure doesn't go to those thoughts. Sometimes when I put it out of my mind it feels better, but then I feel guilty for trying not to think about it. There is just this raw empty spot in my heart right now that aches terribly for my Mom. I know that this first year will be hard with the holidays and her birthday at the end of December.
I am so thankful for friends and family that love me unconditionally and have supported me tremendously. We have meals being delivered again and we are so thankful and humbled by this support.
I want to end on a fun note - Sarah finally lost her first tooth last night. Her bottom two permanent teeth have almost grown all the way in and no teeth had fallen out yet. So the tooth fairy will make a stop tonight :)
It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God[a];
he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
Trust in him at all times, O people;
pour out your hearts to him,
for God is our refuge.