Thursday, May 10, 2012

1 year survivor day!

Today, May 10th is one year for my breast cancer diagnosis.  Wow, I cannot believe it has been a year.  I have grown so much in the last year.  I am so very thankful that I no longer have any active cancer cells in my body. I recently did a cancer trial that searches for any cancer proteins in your body through a blood test and that came back negative.  

Mother's Day this coming Sunday is going to be a tough one for me.  I have had such a wide range of emotions the past couple of weeks.  I would just love to talk with my Mom again, or get a sweet email from her or even an annoying heart or flower bouquet on Facebook.  But I have to remember that she is in a wonderful place right now and has no pain or worry.  I know she worried about me after my diagnosis.  I still cannot believe she is gone.  

It's kind of weird how I always think about her.  And then when I haven't thought about her in the course of a day, I feel guilty.  We will drive by somewhere and I will think - the last time we were there, Mom was alive.  Or we will go to a restaurant that we would go to all the time with my Mom and I will picture her there with us. When I look through pictures, in my mind I think Mom was still alive then.  Then I find myself wanting to go back to that moment in time when the picture was taken.  I rest in knowing that God has a reason for taking my Mom even through I miss her dearly.  When I lost my Mom so suddenly and now when my heart aches and misses her, I find comfort in Psalm 62:5-8 - "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.  My salvation and my honor depend on God; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.  Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge."  

I am so thankful my Dad finally retired after all these years.  I think it is bittersweet for him since Mom is gone.  He has been working on his to-do list and relaxing.  We have been keeping him busy with all the baseball and softball games.  I think he is really enjoying himself.  He hasn't missed any games yet!  He even knew one of the umpires from Adam's game.  They worked together at Frito Lay. 

I am finally starting to feel normal again.  We are keeping busy with many activities with the kids and counting down the last days of school.  My hair is getting longer (it's finally over my ears!) and it is very curly.  My hair was not curly before but I am not complaining.  I have had some side effects from radiation but they are tolerable.  I still forget words and thoughts sometimes but I can still blame that on chemo right? :)

What I have gained and learned through my cancer journey:
A greater faith in Jesus, really curly hair!, how to eat even better, how to relate to someone newly diagnosed and how to support them through their road ahead, new friendships, keeping a positive attitude is very important, a greater perspective of the bigger picture of life - how this is NOT my permanent home and I have something wonderful to look forward too, to embrace the problems that come my way and know that God has a perfect plan and He WILL see me through.

I hope to post from time to time on here.  I haven't posted too much because I didn't know what to write.  

Hope you all enjoyed this beautiful day.

"It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect." Psalm 18:32