Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Getting ready for my LAST chemo!

I just cannot believe that my last chemo is in 2 days.  It seems like the last 10 weeks have gone by fast.  Friday will be bittersweet for me.  I am so thankful that I will be done but I so wish my Mom could celebrate with me here on earth.  But I will still trust that these difficult trials are part of God's perfect plan for my life.  I know that I will see my Mom again one day and I am so thankful she is in God's loving arms.  My grief has been heavy and felt unbearable at times.  I have gone through so many emotions and broke down so many times.  I just keep thinking that it's a dream and I will wake up and she will be here.  I keep thinking that she is going to walk through the door or call me.  There are days when guilt and regret set in and take over my thoughts.  I plan to try to take it a day at a time and know that God will be right by my side every step of the way.  So many of you have helped me so much as you have gone through this grief and can talk me through difficult thoughts.  A good friend also gave me a good book - "Experiencing Grief" by H. Norman Wright.  I would highly recommend this book.  (Thanks Ang!)  Sarah shared a dream she had about Oma (that's what my kids call my Mom).  She said she was playing in her room and Oma came in.  She said she asked Oma if she had come down from Heaven and Oma shook her head yes and then gave Sarah a big hug.  What a wonderful dream!

I am so thankful for wonderful family, friends, neighbors, co-workers and our church family.  Everyone has reached out to us in so very many ways and we are so grateful for all of the support.  The meals from our neighborhood, church and friends have been amazing and so very helpful.  I have met some awesome ladies that are walking through their journey with breast cancer at the same time and gained some new friends.  I have had the opportunity to talk with a couple of survivors as well which has been encouraging.  My Dad and I were close but this has drawn us together even closer.  I love you Dad!!

I am excited to think about what my hair will look like when it grows back... and just excited to think that I will have hair again.  I have enjoyed wearing all of my head wraps, scarves and wig.  I am thankful for all of the scarves and hand-made knitted items I have received.

My radiation will begin on October 17th and treatments will be 5 days a week for 6 weeks.  I should be done by the week of Thanksgiving.  We have so much to be thankful for and I hope everyone knows how much we appreciate everything.


Show me your ways, LORD,
   teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
   for you are God my Savior,
   and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25:4-5 

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