What an amazing roller coaster my mind has been on the last week. After hearing cancer free (Praise the Lord!) last Friday, I just struggled with doing chemo therapy as "preventative" medicine. I just could not embrace that AT ALL. I went to pick up my prescription meds on Sunday and even drove up to stop and the drive thru window at the pharmacy and ... then.... I just kept on driving. I didn't stop to pick them up because I told myself I wasn't going to do the treatment. (Please laugh with me here!) Remember, I was alone - so there wasn't anyone else in the car to talk me through that :) And just so you know, I did pick my meds later this week.
Last night, I had a girls night out with a "Girl Power" group that was formed as a support group for me. We went and had pedicures, relaxed and enjoyed an awesome dinner and even a smoothie as a bonus! At the end of the evening we sat down and they shared Bible verses with me that each had prepared just for me. Everyone had a different verse and they all meant so much to me. We focused on fear and how we are not to fear this world and respond in worldly ways. We focused on peace - only the peace that can come from the Lord. I was reminded that it is okay to feel down, weak and struggling but I can rejoice in Hope and know that I am surrounded by God's loving hands. It helped me change my whole train of thought. So when I woke up today, I decided that instead of trying to find peace in going through the chemo treatments, I would rest in Jesus my Savior and find my peace in Him. I thought I had to be totally fine with doing the treatments but realized I just need to trust in Jesus 100% and THAT is what I CAN do.
I have been eating extremely healthy these last couple of weeks. It's been hard work to get all fresh foods and prepare them but boy has it made a difference AND it tastes good too! We have meals scheduled out for the next several months from church, neighborhood and friends - just amazing!! A sweet friend from work knitted me a couple of hats and crocheted me a wrap. Good friends stopped by tonight with a soup and bread to have on hand (I have already had a piece of the bread and it's yummy!) for nausea and lemon drops to have while getting the treatments to help with the taste in my mouth. I also received a hand made pink quilt that is so super soft and has really cool patches - one with a pink ribbon and very encouraging cards. Another friend also left a card and a beautiful necklace in my mailbox. I also have another fun event scheduled for next week to look forward to. I have a wonderful boss that has been so kind to talk me through this whole situation and has been extremely supportive. I have had numerous texts, emails, messages, cards and letters in the mail, phone calls and hugs today. Thank you, thank you, thank you dear Lord for all of these wonderful people you have placed in life. I am truly amazed at all of the miracles through this journey.
We have to arrive for my treatment at 9:30 a.m. tomorrow morning. They say it will last about 3 1/2 hours and could be longer if they would have to slow things down. We will plan to do a brief update tomorrow to keep you all up-to-date.
Love and hugs,
Tammy
"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." Isaiah 41:10
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27
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